ABOUT
**THIS IS NOT AN AD! - THIS IS AN ARTICLE**
The Preface:
Kids, Wife, Dogs & Music - As James famously once sang:
"Nothing Else Matters"
I don't do any form of Social Media so THIS IS IT.
This profile was bare and boring like so many others but over the last couple of weeks - and after a rather nasty run in on here with a complete Fucktard - I thought "Y'know what...?
You've just turned 42, you're a Husband, you're a Father, lets just be honest, genuine and confident and say what we REALLY think"
That said and although somewhat "Alternative" a bit of effort has gone into it so's to create a profile you'll not soon forget and that will hopefully serve as a cautionary reminder - that you're not wrong - people ARE Arseholes and it's in the strangest places that you'll often find them - but what gives people that right?
This profile and its original application seem to have now become secondary to this article and the message it conveys - "It ISN'T you, it IS them!"
If you like a good read (a somewhat lost Art) a hearty laugh, fascinating incites, audience participation and a bit of gossip at the end with a massive "Fuck You! as a twist then please I invite you to read further, if not... Fuck Off!
lol - No really, I Love You All, you're all absolutely Fucking Amazing regardless of Gender, Orientation, Ethnicity, Creed or Ability - we're all "Children of the Pale Blue Dot"
..."hold on a minute though"
before you label me as some "Lefty Loser" know this - you don't have to have 2-tone hair, wear thick-rim glasses, don a wonky Bettie Page'esque fringe or be a fucking bastard Vegan to know how to "be a decent Human Being"
**anyone who could possibly hate Cheese can go fuck themselves!
Likewise, you need not identify as either 1 of 72 Genders or 1 of 25 Sexual Orientations to know:
"You just treat everyone the way you wish to be treated!"
**strange though how such people have now become as Predatory, Prejudicial and as Pathologically Dangerous as the darkness they claim to fight - thats Power for you... It corrupts absolutely.
...oh and BTW your clothes aren't "Vintage" they're second hand shite where nothing you're wearing actually fucking goes - it's not "Eclectic" it's called "Aimless Wardrobe Syndrome"
... and another thing: stop telling visitors to your home that your furniture is "Antique" - it's actually pronounced "Old-Tack" or as my old cockney Nan would call it "a right load of Old Toot"
I'm finding - ever increasingly - that as the Pendulum swings wildly between the "Far Left Harbinger-of-Death Hadith Chanting Hipster Weirdos" to the "Far Right Misguided Uneducated Hooligan Hoards" - everywhere you seem to look these days - it's the Center that's most egregiously overlooked... both figuratively and literally and it's to you that I dedicate this Profile.
If you ever want to know anyone's TRUE agenda - just politely ask them what it is and then rudely assume the exact opposite - With Intent.
The Introduction:
...after all that... Hi!
My name is Keir and I am a No Nonsense, Very Committed, Funny and Friendly Dad (Non-Weirdo) with a shit tonne of ideas in different styles looking for some "Talented Cunts" to write some "Actual Music" with.
I'm a "Muso with a Mouth" and I ain't shy about using it.
If it so suits however - I'm happy to identify as He/Him though most people just stick to calling me Keir - hahaha!
To Paraphrase John Coffey from "The Green Mile" : "like the Car boss, only not spelt the same!"
Listen, if I'm being honest guys - I've recently had some stuff that's actually been really hard to deal with:
I have officially gone from having a relatively obscure name that all people forgot, most people couldn't spell, some people couldn't read and a few people couldn't even pronounce to having THE most hated name in Great Britain.
Which every cunt can now remember and - even stranger still - every fucker now knows exactly how to fucking pronounce, but typically... still can't fucking spell.
Thanks a lot Labour!
...and can someone please give that fucker a Lozenge for fuck sake, Keir Starmer's voice is like that fucking Mosquito when you're sat watching a film in the dark.
You could leave it but you know if you don't stop exactly what you're doing, move everything, get up, put the "Big Light" on and twat that fucker now - he's gonna suck you dry.
Thank Fuck For Kemi!
My Profile tells you EVERYTHING you need to know - The Music Tracks even have little comments attached for some context and background into my ideas and concepts - saves you the chore of asking and affords you the joy of reading.
During the course of which - I MUST WARN YOU NOW - you may/will come to read alot of naughty words - though I fear the Horse may have already bolted on that one - leading you to ask "How are they allowing this Gutter Speak?"
Firstly, I'm an Amateur Comedian and so nothing written here - though true - is designed to cause offense unless otherwise stated... which it will be later on so you'll know the difference.
...and secondly, I'm paying a Tenner a month for the privilege so it's simple economics isn't it really... You Stupid Fucking Cunt!
...and before you have a fit and point and scorn and hiss at me like some sort of feral Social Succubus/Incubus...
(See how I Remembered to be inclusive and use BOTH Mythical Pronouns)
I'm also a half German Cockney meaning that the word Cunt is literally part of my heritage so it's actually YOU fucks guilty of Cultural Appropriation and not me!
LMAO!
**Psst: If the Snowflakes hated that then their mood isn't likely to improve over the course of the next paragraph...
**Some of you obviously agree with me because I was lucky if I had 2 visitors a month to my profile and now I get 4 a day on average so that's all the proof I need - plus it also proves that organic "Word of Mouth" still travels faster than mechanic Optic-Fiber - Fuck You Internet!
Oh and by the way guys - the "New Activity" section is NOT for the posting of cleavages and/or suggestive selfies - I'm a Grown Man and find it unwholesome, distasteful and lacking class - you look like the Tits you display.
**As my Old-Man used to say "Son, once you've seen one Pair o Tits, you've seen em all!
This isn't Insta, TikTok or Facebook (The Unholy Trinity) - if you wanna post glamour selfies and get "Seen" then fuck off over there - isn't that what OnlyFans is for?... obviously not to be confused with the Terror Recruitment Site of the same name LOL.
...and NO I'm not saying Terror is a Joke though anyone who believes harming Innocent Men, Women and Children - Notably Girls - for any cause, faith, dogma or ideal which itself is "designed" to impose further suffering on others is worth nothing BUT Mockery, Revulsion and Lex Talionis.
Though I will say that after COVID and the Writers Strike - it is nice to see that terror opportunities are a bit thin on the ground of late which is why I was so surprised to see Al-Qaeda's new range of Sat-Navs -
They aren't that bad as it goes, only drawback is that you can only use em once!
Now THAT'S funny!
What's happened to this place?
Wheres the "Actual Musicians/Writers/Creators" - y'know... "Fellow Explorers!"
I've been on here years - on and off - and wasted alot of time & cash on Premium this and Elite that, fuel to meet some Fucking Idiot or time spent sat in dank basements - with Creepy (Red Flag Waving) Cunts who can't legally be around kids and who allude to you that your lyrics will have to be proof read by their social worker for anything triggering because of something violent THEY'VE done to children but can't disclose to you...
**I know WTF right? This actually happened to me and it was like the dude WANTED me to know, he didn't shut up about it like he was baiting me to ask what he'd done - I never did, I never returned and found it all to be just really fucking strange!
...then there's the people who - as if none of that was enough - can't even play their instruments where - during what should've been a casual jamming session now turned impromptu lesson - I end up teaching THEM how to play their own shit.
Not only that but you find out that the person you're now teaching has actually been taking Bass lessons for 6 months from a "Professional Teacher" and learnt absolutely nothing, sweet fuck all - citing that the only reason that he has HER come over to HIS house is because he fancies her... all in front of his Mrs who's just stood there in front of me smiling and nodding along aimlessly while he says it.
"EH?"
Plus, the so-called "Professional Teacher" has HER OWN Band and charges £30 per hour to teach some Incel dude - in HIS own home - how to NOT play Bass for 6 months despite happily sitting and giving repeated lessons in a house which - when I was there - screamed "Safeguarding Concern".
**Don't ask me to remember the name of her Band as I couldn't possibly recall but it was a Leeds based "Band o'Shite" with a Music Video on YouTube.
I remember they had some little "Lord of the Rings" looking cretin in a Goatee and a Cloak as their Front-Man where he and the mostly female members of the group stride in unison down a beach in slo-mo before standing in a row on a cliff and singing at the Sea to some really shitty sounding Power Metal.
At one point I was actually expecting Legolas to pop up and inform me that "They'd taken the Hobbits to Isengard"
It was weak as fuck and apparently - at the time - they were considered as having "Made It" in and around Leeds.
There ARE/WERE some great Bands in Leeds - this bunch were less "Made It" and more "Laid It" like a big fresh steaming pile of "Gollum Shit"
By the end of the Video I genuinely hoped they'd throw themselves into the Sea they were torturing with their "Sirens Song" - Lord knows I wanted to!
...and still, no closer to finding anyone decent - just a lot of sketchy fuckers with no real ability, too much ego, weak knees or no real drive who just want to be in Tribute Bands living the fantasy of their Idol.
- "Listen, Evanescence has already been done. they're called.... Evanescence you Dumb Cunts -
...and its to such bands that I'd like to say that there are honestly less audibly intrusive ways to spice up a Marriage than letting your Mrs think she's Amy Lee.
One such band in particular I found to be "Less Amy Lee and more Amy Whinehouse, less Evanescence and more Effervescence"
Dear God... Keep it in the Bedroom like everyone else!
If you love Music then give us a nudge - if not... don't!
"Thanks alot Bandmix - I should have stuck with Musolist" lol
... and for future reference, people who write alot aren't weird but possibly educated and for whom typing a message or a fun informative profile is not a chore but rather an enjoyable pleasure and who are - in fact - out to save YOU the trouble of asking pointless shit which my commitments don't leave me the time to answer - especially for those of us that have families and don't live on a Social Media based Messaging App or simply just dump our kids on the Mrs while we fuck off upstairs and play "Long Lost Youth"
I don't use Insta, FB or TikTok - I don't even own a Mobile Phone and guess what guys...?
I'm still here! - I know, can you believe it? lol
I mean what am I missing really...?
On tap Social Voyeurism, Online Shopping and more Free Porn than I can shake a fist at... "See what I did there?"
"I Fight For The Users!"
...and 2nd, People who are friendly and like to chat and get to know people aren't weird either, that's called "Normality" which I know doesn't resonate too well with the Millennial Generation (Of which I am one) as they now call it "Normalcy"
... and therein lies the rub guys, "Normalcy" is not even a word - Google it, it brings up "Normality" - and yet this generation of mine peddle it like the new "Norm" - Pun very much intended.
No, you're the idiots George Orwell warned us about in 1984 when he spoke of Thought Crime, Newspeak and Deconstruction of the Language of which my generation is guilty of imposing on us all.
With all that in mind you're asking me to spend considerable time with you, invite you into my Private Life and even perhaps cross paths with my Children - so it's prudent that we get on and I make sure you're not some Sketchy Incel Nutcase who wants to sniff my washing, comb my hair while I sleep and/or wear my Face as a Hat - Handsome such as it is.
"No really, it ISN'T me - it IS you!"
What has happened to us all?
**While I'm here - as well as "Normalcy" - I'd like to quickly raise a couple of other incidents of Orwellian-like Newspeak mind fucking...
Who asked us if it was a good idea to change the word "make" into the word "take" in that: when deciding something we now "TAKE a Decision" or "choose what decision to TAKE"...
Doesn't one "MAKE a decision?"
The same goes for "Stand" - the new Newspeak Dictionary says we "TAKE a stand against something" but to the best of my recollection the word is "MAKE" - you MAKE a stand... not "Take".
Tell me...?
Did General Custer MAKE his last stand or did he TAKE it?
Last I checked "Take" only applies when you "take a STANCE or take ACTION for/against something".
... Here's the latest as said by a correspondent discussing the Middle-East on The Times Radio ... "Securetisation" of the middle-east" instead of "Security".
Changing small things in malign words can have massive affects on otherwise benign sentences - With Intent.
Welcome to the age of "The Party".
...anyway, I digress...
If you like what you're reading then maybe I can tempt you with some more Puns and Witty Word Play...?
If not, then what the hell are you still doing here? lol.
"No Really & Yes You"... stop laughing at the funny man for just a moment and really ask yourself: What am I doing here?
...wait, unless you're one of those who'll read the entire thing and then inbox me with hate, drolling on about how boring it was?
I know your type too, worked in alot of bars and you'll always get the odd prick who'll order food and once finished will complain about how awful it was despite having cleaned their plate...
My answer to that is simple: You ate/read it - you're paying for it!
...plus, if it stirs you so deeply that you must retort with malice and spite then clearly it resonated with you on a deep personal level at which you are now ashamed - which probably says more about YOU and further proves my point.
"It's your Verocity vs my Veracity really isn't it?"
Ain't it refreshing... Honesty?
Well if you're up for it, you're about to get one hell of a Cold Shower.
...and it's in that very spirit that I invite you to "Please, read on".
- Screen name:
- With Intent
- Member since:
- Jan 22 2017
- Active within 1 week
- Level of commitment:
- Very Committed
- Years playing music:
- 25
- Tend to practice:
- More than 3 times per week
- Most available:
- Nights
Instrument experience:
- Vocalist:
- Expert
- Rhythm Guitar:
- Expert
- Acoustic Guitar:
- Expert
- Lead Guitar:
- Advanced
- Bass Guitar:
- Advanced
- Drums:
- Moderate
- Keyboard:
- Moderate
- Piano:
- Moderate
EQUIPMENT
Ibanez RG Flat Black (My Baby - I swapped a mint condition PRS Tremonti Signature for my Ibanez, Never looked back!)
Schecter C6 Diamond Pro.
Schecter Blackjack ATX (8 String)
Fender Semi-Acoustic.
Fender Dreadnought Custom - I hate Fender Electrics but damn if they don't make the best Acoustic Guitars.
sE Condenser Mic,
Air Interface,
Air Key-station Midi Controller,
Laptop and all usual associated softwares -
Psst... If "they" thought I was paying £400 odd for Helix Native and the likes "they" can think again, I'm not paying that kind of cash for anything I can't ride on!
...but let me tell you now that I love my Helix Native - Grass me and I'll do your fucking Windows LOL.
Desktop - My laptop has a fit with multiple layered tracks but great for external editing so most work is done on the desktop.
...oh and my pipes which I use to devastating effect to impersonate other well known singers - from Grunge & Goth to Thrash & Metalcore and beyond.
...and yes... I can Scream.
Which if you guys knew how it was really done you wouldn't be so impressed but that's a conversation for another day.
To paraphrase Toy Story: "That's not Screaming... It's Gargling with Style!"
Loud Wire's "How I learnt to Scream" can suck my balls!
"Fuck your life's intrinsic journey & just show em how it's done for suck sake".
Disclaimer:
I just wanna make some music so if you have an inclination to waste time, take yourself too seriously or suffer with Diva/Divo-Syndrome then please move along - plenty of tribute acts and cover bands looking for another Prima-Donna/Uomo Fantasist Arsehole!
Nervous or Stage Spooked?
Not to worry...
Nerves I can work with, I can build confidence on even the weakest of foundations - just takes a little Belief... not Faith.
Contrary to popular.... lol -
Belief and Faith are NOT the same thing.
Faith is Trust - as in "Trusting that I'm telling the Truth" or "Having Faith"
...and though it feels like belief and is often mistaken for it, it is not.
True Belief is Knowing - and it's that knowing that I'm good at constructing.
I BELIEVE talent can and will always outshine any amount of nerves so... If I believe that then I must KNOW it and if I know it then it must be FACT and if it's fact then it must be TRUE!
See...?
So any Wallflowers who don't think they or their ideas are good enough or have never had the guts... I want to hear from you!
To Paraphrase Poltergeist: "All Are Welcome... All Are Welcome"
"Music should be fun, moving and expansive, growing with people you get on with and actually like, without that - what's the fucking point?" - With Intent.
...Oh and I don't give a shit what you look like, not into that scene shit - have you guys ever actually seen Cheap Trick, ACDC or A Perfect Circle...?
3 Pretty Boys, 2 Adult School Boys, 1 Fred Dibnah lookalike and a Maynard James Keenan who looks like he's from another planet entirely.
...and yet "Dream Police, Thunderstruck and The Outsider" are all amazing songs.
Can you play, wanna write some cool ORIGINAL shit and see what happens?
Well there you go!
"Death to all but Music!"
Now The Really Funny Bit...
**This Section is called "Reality Check" and is dedicated to someone who invited me to an Audition and when I replied by way of a prospective message - to say thanks, express my interest, who I am and what I do - they tore into me personally thus typifying the very thing I start my fun profile/article by insisting I'm not interested in.
Now, you've come this far and though it is a long and somewhat alternative profile... I'd like to offer you all my most humble thanks for taking the time to enjoy it - we've already had some laughs so if you're willing to go a bit further and like some real "Meat with your Tatties" then strap in for a Chuckle.
But before we do please I urge you to just indulge me and engage in a little "Audience Participation" and do a quick search of the name and/or "Not A" band name listed below as this will prove a useful visual aid when reading both the "Comedy & Critique" which is about to ensue.
"If you like Car Crash Reality TV or watching rows between your neighbors you'll fucking love this"
Are you Sitting Comfortably?
Then I'll begin...
Pssst @ Beefy69 (Jon) @ 90s emo project (not a band name)
"Hahaha I know @ Beefy, with the "69" too lol, it's like really mate?...
C...ringe! - as my 20 year old and 7 year old Daughters would both say.
Now, as a result of your recent unsolicited interaction with me, your conduct towards me and the fact that you've made it abundantly clear what a nasty petulant little child you are - I've decided you are to be "Named & Shamed like a Bitch!"
Something tells me you were the only boy in Scouts who actually CRIED when Mummy finally sewed that hole in Teddy Bear's Arse!
...anyway, I digress... again.
Let me begin by informing you that ripping off the Instrumentals for "Juneau" by Funeral for a Friend to the tempo of "Used for Glue" by Rival Schools does not a demo make!
Your Guitars were proper out of tune too, you never heard of Tempered Tuning?
Obviously not.
You guys must all Tune Up separately at home and just bring your shit with you as is yeah?
A bunch of Plug n' Play Ponces!
Shame you took it here, it took me all of a good hour to write a complete song which actually made that 00's Dog-Shit you wrote sound good - I mean there's really only so much you COULD do with it, it's generic at best - hence I recognised who you'd plagiarised as quickly as I did, though your track was actually a personal record for me.
I was sat with the wife and guessed it in about 3 seconds flat, Oh how we laughed - I told you "I have ears like Shazam"... The App not the DC Character you Divvy Cunt.
I'm also really shit hot at Music Quizzes especially quick fire intro's rounds.
I must say though - Credit where credit is due and all that - I really did like the piss poor excuse for a Guitar Solo, I especially liked how raw it sounded, I felt like I was really there - you can actually hear the guys fingers getting tired - HAHA!.
Might explain why people are still nobodies going nowhere and stuck in 2004.
40 odd year old men banging out Skater Punk like it's going out of fashion, oh wait.... IT HAS!
The Bands that wrote it don't even play that shit no more, hahaha!
Mediocre!
The Drummer and the Bassist were really quite tight though, I'll give you that, they have real talent and could go far.
Quick question:
Does your Drummer write his own drum parts - it's a valid question as not many do, it's usually a Guitarists job - because I've heard what you're cooking and those drums were tight as shit so I know it can't be you writing them.
Oh and Jon - that beanie's fooling no one - it looks like it was made for a much smaller child.
I shit you not - in that pic - it looks about as miserable to be perched on your head as your face does but we'll come to that in a couple of paragraphs.
Don't Insult someone Personally, Harshly and Unprovoked and then do a runner by turning off your replies - so we'll do it here.
It is YOU sir who hath shamed thine self!
You're right: "You don't get a second chance at a first impression" and my first impression of you is a bunch of rip off artists who need to act their age and face reality.
You say your Guitarist worked with Killswitch - what as?
Did he tune Adam's Guitars or just carry them - I can hear why that career choice didn't pan out.
Wait...?
Is that the Zakk Wylde reject in the Photos?
Zakk Wylde playing Skater Punk Pop Yeah?
...and you were only bothered about looks eh?
I'd say: "Confused Much?"
**These Dumb Cunt's actually asked in a message:
"What's your name and what do you look like?" straight off the bat - so I told em, made light of it and tried to see the somewhat "Twisted Logic" behind it - as in my view it shouldn't really matter.
They then went on to lament that "We care about the vocals BUT It would be good to understand if you would fit visually with the band"
Didn't care one iota about whether I could sing or play or write, just what I looked like.
Eh?
So let me get this straight, you've got one "Plagiarised Demo" and you've already got the photo-shoot for Metal Hammer mapped out?
Sounds a bit creepy - I mean we're a bit old to be on teenage girls walls ain't we lads?
If that's the case then you might want some new pics @ Beefy69 aka Jon.
It seriously looks like someone just informed a "Homeless Daniel Beddingfield" that they're not serving lunch.
HAHAHA!
Now I really have seen it all - excellent stuff, even I couldn't write this shit and I'm good.
You actually attacked me, mocked me, mocked my profile and then accused me of... what was it...?
ah yes... "Pulling your Cock!"
I don't appreciate the implication, I can tell you - Not the Gay part, I'm not a child for fuck sake but rather the part where you imply that it would be YOUR cock I was pulling.
Listen, for many years my Man-Crush pendulum has happily swung between Ryan Reynolds and Volodymyr Zelenskyy and as flattered as I am by your admiration I just don't have the room in my life for a 3rd.
All jokes aside for a minute though - it is strange how you went straight to that with a complete stranger but that's just me being anal I guess - hehe
... and you had the cheek to bang on about first impressions.
You went on to insult me by telling me my account was a Joke, that I talk too much and I've found no one on here because I'm some sort of reject -
Are you fucking sure dude?
Who the fuck do you think you are?
I'll say one thing Jon aka Beefy69 - You're actually right - my account is a joke, the curse of being good with words you see, I can be real funny like I told you.
So tell me... "You Laughing Yet Cunt?"
My Profile is as detailed as it is to answer any questions before they're asked, so people understand me and my ideas and concepts and that way no one wastes anybodies time - especially as I have work & 5 kids to care for and so my time is precious and has to be well spent.
As for insulting me as a person and even laughing at me because I "Talk too much" - We've never actually spoken - this is called typing...
Say it with me Jon T.Y.P.I.N.G.
Sorry @ Beefy, you see I did Media, Music Theory and Journalism in College so I guess I find it hard to shake the Education off'a me.
But regardless you came across as Intolerant, Rude, Puerile and a tad Thick to be fair - I actually felt Embarrassed for you Jon -
1. The reference to "Slappers" - meaning overtly promiscuous Women - in your demo title... *Nice eh Ladies?*
2. The allusion to the so-called "69" sexual position in your user name - very grown up.
3. Your talk of "Pulling cocks" was also a tad on the irregular side if I'm being honest.
it was all just a bit... ew!
Ave a bit'a Class for fuck sake man!
Obviously it's just horrid, crass little boys you're looking to recruit then because I don't know many women that would be interested in you as artists or otherwise.
... and as for the personal insults?
Eh?
It was all a bit strong and strange after 2 messages where I'm nothing but cordial (Polite), inquisitive and enthused by your project and even complimenting it accordingly.
In turn I tell you what I'm about with candour, clarity and confidence.
I inform you that because I have kids it would be easier for me to audition for you by way of writing a song to go with your music.
I then offered to present it to you once I'd recorded it with the lyrics so's to demonstrate my other skills such as writing and working to target which I really thought would be an intriguing and fun offer... it would have been for me were I in your shoes.
**Having 5 children - especially 2 with ADHD it can be hard to arrange a time and date to "Zoom/Skype" call and even harder when they ARE there to keep them out of the room or well behaved enough that I can get on with whatever task is at hand - I have to try and squeeze anything musical around THEM at all times, they come first, my pursuits, wants & needs come way further down the list... hence I'm even here to begin with.
**Not "Virtue Signalling" there at all -
Fuck your pity and/or respect and shove it up your Mother's Cunt lol!
Virtue Signalers are a scourge of fake fucks craving attention for doing something alot of us just have to do regardless - because we care - and usually twice as well, twice as dedicated, for twice as long with little/no rest nor recognition.
My Kids My Problem...
There are far worse problems you could have.... like Dengue Fever for example
Far from being positive, curious/intrigued, understanding and just plain nice - You instead (for nothing) decide to take personal pot shots after taking the piss out of me?
Dude you're 38 Years Old!
Eh?
...You're very lucky this is on a site and not "On Road Bruv" (Observing the popular vernacular where I come from) - that said however you ARE local and I never forget a face.
Now being that you're probably as thick as you look and you never figured you'd piss someone off quite as much as you have you would have included your actual "Partial Postcode" so that Bandmix's algorithm can find local matches for you - In doing that you've struck on another one of my skills - having done Journalism - I can find people using very very little (and have) and I know your neck of the woods very well, especially as I used to live between Seacroft & Whinmoor - 56 go anywhere near you does it?
I happen to know alot of folk round that way, I wander if any of them know you?
After the way you came for me and the things you said, you're lucky I don't waste my time looking for you.
What's really funny is that you gave me your number quicker than a whore drops her drawers, maybe don't make that mistake again eh?
You can barely handle typing without accusing someone of talking too much let alone having a real human conversation... using actual words and shit.
Not all Boffins are Pussies mate but all cowards ARE and the way you slagged me and ran... you are owed a mouth full of teeth!
Maybe I'll catch you on the Hedgerow some time eh?
This section is called "The Twist" - Y'ready?
...But wait...
What's this?
Ooooh!
No Copyright Protection on this demo?
Not even so much as a "Digital Watermark" - "Rookie Error"
Just a title hidden away in the code which reads "SlapperDemo2" for the download I have.
That's professional isn't it, how wholesome - and clever too, just like the name Beefy69.
Well, being that I do have a song entitled "Waiting" (The Irony) and being that this is nothing more than a glorified backing track which I'm going to have to Master to shit to make sound half decent, I don't see why I can't proceed as I was - I mean I have my own really catchy song lyrics and a mediocre backing track/sample queued up in my DAW, so lets see if we can make it GOOD!
The Minute you made it "Publicly Downloadable" on here it became "Open Source".
I have taken a sequence of screenshots which show this for legal reasons as I'm openly telling you that I'm going to take your toys - but as legally as possible so you can't do shit about it, YOU can be MY "Featured Artist"
"With Intent" ft "Not Another Man-Child" - Nice ring to it huh?
The track has no restrictions embedded into it and so legally I can sample it and do with it as I damn please. provided - of course - I take no credit for the music, make no money from it and only take credit for MY LYRICS & MY VOCALS which I will - citing "Creative License".
I don't want credit for the Music - You deserve it!
Do you not know why 80's Hair Metal bands all sounded so alike?
Because they were openly and unreservedly stealing each others shit in much the same way that I'm going to do to you - Bands like Motley and Ratt and Warrant openly admit this.
I'm going to do with YOUR tune however what you couldn't: I'm going to use your track to perpetuate my own exposure.
How's that for Nuance eh Jon?
**BTW that turned me off too: when people start banging on about Nuances this & Niche that, Post this & Neo that - like this Ming-Mong did - and start using words like Intrinsic, Existential and Aesthetically to try and sound intelligent - I literally zone the fuck out.....
Ladies & Gentlemen, we're now approaching "Boring Cunt Central" so brace yourself - The "isms and the ists" will be boarding so please be sure to remember to keep all valuables including independent thoughts, opinions and ideas with you at all times.
We'll be calling at all stations en route to "What the actual Fuck" including "Intrinsically Niche", "Existentially Nuance" and "Aesthetically Noir" via "Post Bourgeois" and "Neo Normalcy" before reaching our final stop "What the actual Fuck did you people do to my World"
"ALL ABOARD HAHAHA!"
Queue Randy Rhoads!
You ever seen "Amadeus"? The somewhat historically inaccurate Biopic with an otherwise amazing portrayal of Mozart despite the American accent?
Well - being a lover of real Music in all it's forms including Classical, from Classic to Modern & Contemporary - I have seen it and love it.
There is a particular scene in that film where Mozart formally meets Antonio Salieri for the first time - who already hates Mozart by mere word of mouth by this point - and after having sat in the corridor while Salieri previews his latest work to the Duke - Mozart enters, sits at the Harpsichord and proceeds to dissect and then reconstruct Salieri's new musing right before his eyes/ears.
He then plays it back - to his face... only better.
Watch this space!
You just gave me a project - motivation IS motivation IS motivation and you're going to be mine for a bit.
So what did we learn from this eh Beefy69 "Me ole China"?
We learnt that I'm Smart, Dashingly Handsome, I can Write - Music, Songs and Comedy, I can Play - a shit tonne of Instruments, I Sing, I seriously know Music - REAL MUSIC, I can spot Bullshit a mile away and I really miss kicking fuck out of stupid cunts that are nasty to people for no good reason due to personal weakness and/or envy... Bullies.
And you've put yourself right "In my Sights"
In all fairness to you though Jon, not only have you served to prove the very point my profile highlights but you've also allowed me to demonstrate a few attractive key points about myself so I should really thank you - where as you... Not so much
But - to your credit - I get what your problem was now though since compiling this:
You wanted a Vocalist, A Nodding Dog - A Joey! - Nothing more, nothing less.
We would not have gelled at all.
I'm not a Vocalist - I'm a Front-Man and that scared the living shit out of you - my own ideas, my own songs, my own thoughts and the balls to say what I want and having the passion to know it'll work.
I'm someone who would have shattered your little delusion and brought you back down to Earth with a bump... as proven here.
Biggest threat to a wannabe Guitaring Ego-Maniac is the Front-Man
Such is the "Burden of being Wonderful" I guess.
Twats!
No one should ever work with you!
You lot are your own "Red Flag" given the points I've raised so I hope the search for others to belittle proves fruitful.
Word to the wise however: Someone needs to stop letting Beefy... sorry... Jon get hold of Mummy's phone because he really is selling you guys short, he should be kept from interacting with people as much as possible - I mean he's publicly representing your Band/Brand and lets "Ave It Right" he's a Fucking Mug
Guys...?
Seriously...?
Ditch the Guifakist!
Had you gotten to know me or even had a decent civilised conversation you would have found it fascinating how I know these things.
For example, I was once a DJ on an American Rock Radio Station based out of Tampa Fl called Firestorm Radio (I was NOT in Tampa however, unfortunately) and MY show showcased some wicked good unsigned bands where I heard some of the most amazing undiscovered talent and their music.
So that's ONE of the fascinating incites into me as a person and that's how I know that "Pob" has to go - sorry that's probably too friendly for you isn't it Jon?
**There are so many amazing people on here - who aren't what I'm looking for "Per Say" - but their talent is undeniable, so too is their passion and for whom I have THE utmost respect.
Their knowledge and experience is as valuable to me as their ability and so I love to browse their music and listen with awe and joy to the inner workings of their imagination - which is ALL any true musician really wants... to move someone.
... I would never insult anyone for their art or their effort.
It's only advice - you don't have to take it but "The secret Lovechild of Post Malone and Captain Birdseye" is leading you astray and holding you back... I mean:
You all look like a "Black Label Society" tribute act, you write Skate Punk from circa 2004 and your vagrant looking band-mate thinks - judging by your "Not a Band Name" that Emo is from the 90's - I was an Emo and he's wrong!
Know it all's usually know nothing - How's that for nuance?
Like I said - Confused Much?
90's was Death of Hair Metal, Birth of Grunge, Emergence of Thrash, Evolution of Gangster Rap and early Skate Punk - Which in itself IS NOT PUNK at all - amidst a swathe of Brit-Pop and the euro-inspired Rave Scene.
Sex Pistols, Toyah, Souxie & the Banshees, The Stranglers, Blondie, The Misfits and Casey Chaos's Amen are PUNK - Blink 182, JimiEatWorld, Box Car Racer and the likes are NOT.
But what do I know eh?
Oh Wait, I was/am an Emo,
My Mum was a Punk who's uncle owned a well known Recording Studio named Vineyard Studios and who also wrote the 70's Eurovision Classic "Jack in a Box".
**Those Studios are incidentally where my Mum and Dad first met resulting in them becoming my parents at all and leading to my Dad never letting me forget that I was born exactly 12 years - almost to the minute - after the death of the great Jimi Hendrix, which I always thought was cool, especially when I heard "Voodoo Child - Slight Return for the very first time.
My Dad was a qualified Recording Engineer & Multi Instrumentalist who could "Tear Down" an entire Recording Studio with his eyes closed and put it back together again - He actually built Vineyard Studios, he built the Desks and the Booths and the Tape Rooms etc.
He worked with artists like Dave Sylvian & Japan (The Band Tool/A Perfect Circle rip off), John Deacon, Hot Chocolate & Billy Connolly and producers like Pete Waterman and later went on to compose the Theme for the late 70's BBC classic "The Famous Five".
Not to mention that "Generation X" (Billy Idol's Band) had a drummer named Mark Laffoley who grew up with my Dad and was his drummer in his first proper band whom were called "Stroller".
My Dad schooled me in Music as I now do with my kids as shown in my photos.
More incite into me and my musical experience eh?
...but again, what do I know?
Wait and see what I do to your Demo/Sample/Backing Track and I'll show you - at the moment it sounds like the intro music to a Football Show or Grand Prix Highlights - I'm going to turn it into an actual decent piece of music and Copyright it up the Arse.
...Oh and next time you record a track make sure the Kids are out of the way like I have to.
I can hear them playing during that shit Guitar Solo at around the 3:40 mark - that's why I use Interfaces, no "Bleed Through" from ambient noise see?
Come on lads move with the times no one "Mics Up" anymore unless you're a Drummer or it's Live...
Home don't count.
it's "Live!" not "where I Live!"
It's OK though just another "Rookie Error"... but you have made quite a few now haven't you?
I'm counting 3 thus far.
... wait, it WAS the drummer wasn't it? HAHA!
Tsk Tsk and you had the absolute bare-faced gall to come for me.
You really are as gormless as your profile pic suggests aren't you Pob.
You just got schooled by a Metal-Head!
To paraphrase The Legend that is Alice Cooper:
"Schools Not Out" - You still have learning to do.
School of Rock Bitch!
That having been said though @ BeefyJon...
You have achieved 2 things atop any true Rock-Star's Bucket List:
You've Initiated your first Rock-Star feud & you've received your first real deep dive Critique/Review.
Neither of these things have gone well for you!
Hey if it makes you feel any better BeefyBoy then you can take this whole profile as a "Statement of Intent".
Which - by it's very definition In the Oxford Dictionary - means that I am unashamedly and unapologetically - Yep you guessed it...
"With Intent"
*Drops Mic*
**To the rest of you that read this delicious slice of "Up Yours" - Thank you - We've had a giggle but I hope this serves as a stark warning "Be careful online as you never know who you're talking to - moreover it is a door that swings both ways in that you never can be too sure who you're being "An Orrible Cunt" to either...
can you?"
Listen, in the face of my experiences and interactions on here, I'm not even too sure I want to connect with anyone anymore - especially after proof reading my own "Op-ed" - and so have changed my "Searching for" by removing it entirely.
I didn't want poster perfect - I just wanted real, happy, friendly, dedicated and motivated - someone who loves what they do... but don't we all, so... where is everybody?
Fermi Paradox Joke.
Beefy wouldn't appreciate it but I hope you guys did!
Stay Safe.& Much Love!
"SLAVA UKRAINI"
*Tips Hat*
"Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here!"